By Steve Tobak | August 23, 2010
Steve Tobak is a consultant, writer, and former senior executive with more than 20 years of experience in the technology industry. He's the managing partner of Invisor Consulting, a Silicon Valley-based firm that provides strategic consulting, executive coaching, and speaking services to CEOs and management teams of small-to-mid-sized companies.
We spend an inordinate amount of time decrying and complaining about our bosses. Just looking at BNET posts alone, you'd think all bosses are complete idiots, dysfunctional jerks, micromanaging a-holes … or that they just plain suck.
Don't get me wrong. Examining bad management behavior is the only way to improve it. And there are times when we can all use a little help learning to cope with a dysfunctional boss. That said, most blogs on bad bosses quickly deteriorate into whine-fests that sound remarkably like children crying about how their parents are mean and just don't get it.
Well, I've got news for you. When you behave like a victim, wallow in self pity, or act like you're entitled to something better, not only does it do you no good, but you may end up getting yourself fired or doing real harm to your career. To help you avoid that, here's a dose of reality about dealing with problem bosses:
- If you go head-to-head with your boss, you'll lose. In What They Don't Teach You in Harvard Business School, Mark McCormack describes a situation where an employee got into a heated exchange with his boss and got himself fired. "No matter how wrong or intemperate his boss might have been, that, unfortunately, was now a nonissue. The situation did not reflect well on this particular employee's boss — but his boss still had a job."
- You actually have choices; exercise them. That's right, you can't pick your boss, but if you don't like him, it's a free country, you can quit. If you like or need your job, on the other hand, then get over yourself and suck it up. The choice is yours. But if you decide to go over your boss's head or to HR, don't be surprised if it ends badly for you. You may not want to hear this, but from the company's viewpoint, you're just a thin-skinned troublemaker who they'd just as soon not have to deal with.
- Did it ever occur to you that it may be you? I'm not trying to burst your bubble here, but maybe you're not god's gift to bosses. Maybe the boss would be more relieved to get rid of you than you are to get rid of him. Sure, nobody thinks he's a rotten employee, but they're out there, and in far greater numbers than rotten bosses. So, if you actually like or need your job, you might want to take a long look in the mirror before you do anything drastic.
- Burned bridges have a way of piling up. Maybe you're young and carefree now, but the choices you make and the behavior you exhibit today will follow you throughout your career. More and more, employers are checking references you don't provide, and a few little red flags can add up to one big red flag that says, "don't hire this guy." The truth is, if you burn enough bridges, you may very well find yourself all alone on an island somewhere with nobody else in sight. No bosses, and no jobs, either.
Bottom line: Look, I've had more than my fair share of dysfunctional and abusive bosses, so I don't mean to appear insensitive to what employees of crappy bosses really go through every day. Still, if you act subjectively without gaining some perspective, you may end up making things even worse for yourself. Just remember, you always have a choice. You can always quit.
bonadventure
08/23/2010 02:15 PM
RE: RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
@bonadventure: Made me laugh. Not because you're incorrect, but because you didn't take your trail of consequences far enough.
The answer to your statement/question of "Just think about how many good lower employees have to be fired before the executives or board realize that it isn't the them." is:
All of them.
That is a primary driver behind inequitable free trade: Artificial cost advantages arising from rigged currency exchange rates and the lack of environmental and worker wage and safety laws offshore can conceal a multitude of management sins, from simple venality through blatant incompetence.
And do.
The answer to your statement/question of "Just think about how many good lower employees have to be fired before the executives or board realize that it isn't the them." is:
All of them.
That is a primary driver behind inequitable free trade: Artificial cost advantages arising from rigged currency exchange rates and the lack of environmental and worker wage and safety laws offshore can conceal a multitude of management sins, from simple venality through blatant incompetence.
And do.
ibsteve2u
08/24/2010 12:56 PM
RE: RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
@bonadventure
Too often the lower level employees don't see anything past their own little sphere because they don't want to see the bigger picture. So they end up fighting and whining about things that are the way they are for a very good reason but they don't know or care why.
There are multiple sides to this issue and bad bosses are only part of the issue. Too often the boss isn't bad, it is the employee(s) who could care less about anything beside their paycheck this week.
Best Regards,
Jim
Too often the lower level employees don't see anything past their own little sphere because they don't want to see the bigger picture. So they end up fighting and whining about things that are the way they are for a very good reason but they don't know or care why.
There are multiple sides to this issue and bad bosses are only part of the issue. Too often the boss isn't bad, it is the employee(s) who could care less about anything beside their paycheck this week.
Best Regards,
Jim
JimRicker
08/25/2010 06:54 AM
RE: RE: RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
@JimRicker Then why the hell not tell them what's going on? If they are fighting and whining then deal with it through good communication. Then, if the fighting and whining continues, start firing. Or maybe, they have a perspective on it that a bad boss doesn't want to see either. It would be terrible for one of these lower level employees to actually know more about what's going on than the boss with the big picture.
I have worked with a lot of people with bad attitudes, most of them got there from caring about their jobs and getting frustrated because they weren't heard. The people who only care about their paychecks walk in and walk out and don't give the place a second thought. Then there are the people who are just trouble makers. It is the boss' job to identify them and get them out. Those trouble makers are frustrating the hell out of the good employees, too.
But a boss may have to cross over to the lower level on occasion to get close enough to figure out what's really going on.
My sister was doing recons for her company and found 4.8 million dollars in "lost" money due to bad accounting after the ARs were moved out of the country. As she is working on this stuff, she is called to a meeting with a VP. She arrives at his office with her laptop, he's not there. She's informed that he's gone up to a short meeting with the CEO. After 5 minutes, she sets up the laptop and starts working off the coffee table in the waiting area. The VP comes back down, walks past her into his office without acknowledging her, and starts having a loud phone conversation about drinking wine with the CEO and how the CEO washed their glasses when they were done drinking and how this VP told the CEO that he had a secretary to do that and wasn't that crazy... the CEO is washing his own glasses. My sister's whole unit had been laid off (she was, too... she was working out a "transition" contract) and when she started telling this VP about what the recon was showing, all he wanted was the bottom line... he did not want to know what was going wrong so it could be fixed. I have sat and watched my sister cry and cry over this job because her unit was let go and because the company she loved went to hell. We have since learned that they have contracted with a university to study bringing the operations back to the US.
I think the best solution to an abusive boss is a small tape recorder on your person and a lawyer. If they are just bad at their jobs, there isn't much you can do. Just be good at your job and try to find another.
I have worked with a lot of people with bad attitudes, most of them got there from caring about their jobs and getting frustrated because they weren't heard. The people who only care about their paychecks walk in and walk out and don't give the place a second thought. Then there are the people who are just trouble makers. It is the boss' job to identify them and get them out. Those trouble makers are frustrating the hell out of the good employees, too.
But a boss may have to cross over to the lower level on occasion to get close enough to figure out what's really going on.
My sister was doing recons for her company and found 4.8 million dollars in "lost" money due to bad accounting after the ARs were moved out of the country. As she is working on this stuff, she is called to a meeting with a VP. She arrives at his office with her laptop, he's not there. She's informed that he's gone up to a short meeting with the CEO. After 5 minutes, she sets up the laptop and starts working off the coffee table in the waiting area. The VP comes back down, walks past her into his office without acknowledging her, and starts having a loud phone conversation about drinking wine with the CEO and how the CEO washed their glasses when they were done drinking and how this VP told the CEO that he had a secretary to do that and wasn't that crazy... the CEO is washing his own glasses. My sister's whole unit had been laid off (she was, too... she was working out a "transition" contract) and when she started telling this VP about what the recon was showing, all he wanted was the bottom line... he did not want to know what was going wrong so it could be fixed. I have sat and watched my sister cry and cry over this job because her unit was let go and because the company she loved went to hell. We have since learned that they have contracted with a university to study bringing the operations back to the US.
I think the best solution to an abusive boss is a small tape recorder on your person and a lawyer. If they are just bad at their jobs, there isn't much you can do. Just be good at your job and try to find another.
FiscalWatchr
08/29/2010 07:19 PM
RE: RE: RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
@JimRicker
Well, this is problem with large scale organizations...they create their own worlds. Employees are the ones who deal with the real technology, or customer issues. What seems rational in the real world becomes absurd in the hierarchy. People end up posturing, using arcane thoughts and words. Some company meetings turn into craziness that seem to combine a Goebbels rally with a 60s Be In.
In the 21st century we need to break it all down. Use social media and highly connected networks to give people more channels than just hanging off of one boss. An ambitious man has many masters.
Well, this is problem with large scale organizations...they create their own worlds. Employees are the ones who deal with the real technology, or customer issues. What seems rational in the real world becomes absurd in the hierarchy. People end up posturing, using arcane thoughts and words. Some company meetings turn into craziness that seem to combine a Goebbels rally with a 60s Be In.
In the 21st century we need to break it all down. Use social media and highly connected networks to give people more channels than just hanging off of one boss. An ambitious man has many masters.
jabailo1
09/04/2010 01:15 AM
RE: RE: RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
@JimRicker Sory for the late response. I just came across this article. That is a great observation about lower level employees not seeing the bigger picture. They live in their own "little sphere".
This is an area where both lower level employees and managers could improve. In my days as a grunt in the Army and worked in a few battalion level Operations Shops, I always remember one key element of leadership. When issuing an operations order (OPORD), the mission of the unit two levels up was given so everyone understood the bigger picture.
Companies can throw out mission statements and vision statements and even post those all ovr the office or on their intranet, and around every water cooler and coffee pot, but discussing, educating, and reminding each of the mission is critical for management. I have worked for two "bosses" who could not even tell me the mission statement and it was even worse when pressed for what it really meant to them and us.
Seems that if this mentality was used in business management, understanding could be acheived among all levels. Rather, most managers seem to want to keep tir cards close to the vest and just ask employees "to just do it" rather than cultivatng them to understand the bigger picture and perhaps even, dare I say, mentor the lower level employees to someday be ready for a managers or bosses position.
Bob
This is an area where both lower level employees and managers could improve. In my days as a grunt in the Army and worked in a few battalion level Operations Shops, I always remember one key element of leadership. When issuing an operations order (OPORD), the mission of the unit two levels up was given so everyone understood the bigger picture.
Companies can throw out mission statements and vision statements and even post those all ovr the office or on their intranet, and around every water cooler and coffee pot, but discussing, educating, and reminding each of the mission is critical for management. I have worked for two "bosses" who could not even tell me the mission statement and it was even worse when pressed for what it really meant to them and us.
Seems that if this mentality was used in business management, understanding could be acheived among all levels. Rather, most managers seem to want to keep tir cards close to the vest and just ask employees "to just do it" rather than cultivatng them to understand the bigger picture and perhaps even, dare I say, mentor the lower level employees to someday be ready for a managers or bosses position.
Bob
bobjohnson41@...
09/15/2010 04:43 PM
RE: RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
@bonadventure
The difference may be the "intelligent" employee is trying to deal with the "smart" (impressing, well-financed) boss, or even the boss' boss. Sometimes it goes through more than one or two levels. The "smart" ones have to protect themselves from the "intelligent" ones.
The difference may be the "intelligent" employee is trying to deal with the "smart" (impressing, well-financed) boss, or even the boss' boss. Sometimes it goes through more than one or two levels. The "smart" ones have to protect themselves from the "intelligent" ones.
LPStarChaser
08/25/2010 01:29 PM
RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
This is a great article!
The relationship between employees and employers or other employees with a higher position in hierarchy is not often friendly. Most of the time both parties only see their own professional and personal needs (whatever they are) and most of the time they're both right stating their rights and what the other should be or do, but don't look to themselves.
I am no exception. What I cherish the most in any relation, will it be professional or not, is respect and when someone have no respect for my dignity I feel rage rising up quite quicly. But Steve is right. Despite my anger I always try to reply to my superior in a diplomatic manner which, despite the efforts to be assertive and try not to pour more chaos in the discussion, always leads to more replies that doesn't change their own point of views and in that moment I retreat. I know that it might end up not well for me, not for him, and that retreat is just to get a clear head and analyse the situation in order to see what has to be done and prevent future similar situations.
The relationship between employees and employers or other employees with a higher position in hierarchy is not often friendly. Most of the time both parties only see their own professional and personal needs (whatever they are) and most of the time they're both right stating their rights and what the other should be or do, but don't look to themselves.
I am no exception. What I cherish the most in any relation, will it be professional or not, is respect and when someone have no respect for my dignity I feel rage rising up quite quicly. But Steve is right. Despite my anger I always try to reply to my superior in a diplomatic manner which, despite the efforts to be assertive and try not to pour more chaos in the discussion, always leads to more replies that doesn't change their own point of views and in that moment I retreat. I know that it might end up not well for me, not for him, and that retreat is just to get a clear head and analyse the situation in order to see what has to be done and prevent future similar situations.
vpcastelo
08/24/2010 01:21 AM
RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
Yes, good article, and I think point number 3 is very pertinent. I remember one guy who worked for me and, every time I picked him up on something, he insisted that he had NEVER had any trouble with ANY other boss he'd had - and he obviously believed it himself. Yet other people who had worked with him previously told me that it was a pattern, and that he'd repeatedly been told off by his previous bosses for the same things.
DebF
08/24/2010 02:50 AM
RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
I had a bad boss, the whole department disliked him so I decided to take him on. I went through the whole HR thing, grievance procedure, arbitration and so on?it was not pleasant. In the end I found a better job and resigned. Two weeks after I left his was fired ? got ?im!
jht2010
08/24/2010 03:34 AM
RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
I agree with all the ramifications to ones self in dealing with a Bad Boss but unfortunately the solutions presented can lead to an apathetic organization which can be more dangerous to your job than trying to move your Boss towards providing more value to the organization. Sucking it up is also a big part of why we have a burgeoning pharmaceutical industry. Self medicating for external factors doesn't change the factors, only numbs them.
I do not believe that there are many Bad Bosses. Misdirected, in over their heads (peter principle) or oblivious perhaps. Many bosses have been burned by employees they trusted and are unwilling to trust again.
Each situation is different and if self preservation is your goal than sit back and take it or run are the only options.
I also agree that many times a boss that is rated as Bad is usually by an employee that is probably unworthy for their own role.
Nobody wins in a battle against the Boss so it's best to win the war through excellent performance under trying conditions.
I do not believe that there are many Bad Bosses. Misdirected, in over their heads (peter principle) or oblivious perhaps. Many bosses have been burned by employees they trusted and are unwilling to trust again.
Each situation is different and if self preservation is your goal than sit back and take it or run are the only options.
I also agree that many times a boss that is rated as Bad is usually by an employee that is probably unworthy for their own role.
Nobody wins in a battle against the Boss so it's best to win the war through excellent performance under trying conditions.
callmemit
08/24/2010 08:20 AM
RE: RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
@callmemit Agree.
FiscalWatchr
08/29/2010 07:20 PM
RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
Agreeeeeee. When I start thinking my boss is an imbecile, or doesn't have all of his 'eggs in one basket", I simply have to recall that he's the one that owns the $40M/year company, not me, and I work for him. Poof! Puts me right back in my place every time.
2TallTexan
08/24/2010 12:33 PM
RE: How to Deal With a Bad Boss: Don't!
Well stated by callmemit. Either leave for something better or suck it up and learn all the good from your boss and also learn what you don't want to do when you get the chance to become the boss. You can always learn something from any person or situation.
aspen-joe
08/24/2010 12:35 PM
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